"I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind." This is what Solomon says in his book, Ecclesiastes.
For those I am a person obsessed with wisdom, I pray for it continuously. For our myself, for the leaders of nations and all decision makers, for those who need to make an important life decision, for those that are trying to counsel other, and the list goes on from there. Truthfully, for the longest time I was obsessed with being the wise old character you see in many stories. You know the type scraggley and unkempt with wild eyes and you think he's doesn't know a thing, but then Daniel-san realizes that wax on wax off was more than a chore it was training.
But until I didn't realize at what cost those people become wise. Solomon goes on to say of wisdome and knowledge "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." And for someone like me that is haunting, I'd even say down right scary. What Solomon is saying (at least in part) is that these things come to use by trial and fire. He didn't suddenly wake up one day and know that in order to determine the true mother of a child he should tell them to split the baby down the middle. No he learned that by time and life teaching him that parents value their children and would rather lose them than see them come to harm. I can't imagine the trials that would have brought that kind of wisdom and knowledge.
I don't think that is all he is saying here though. I think that there is a part of Solomon that mourns his wisdom for the effect it has on him now. It has taken flavor out of his life to know such mysteries as what have been revealed to him. He knows more perfectly than us the fruitlessness of our endeavors on this planet that will someday forget us entirely. Imagine being an ant and knowing that it will eventually rain and all of the tunnels and towers you've built will wash out and be destroyed as if they were never there. Not a pretty thing to imagine.
Solomon finds himself helpless. He has reached the penacle of human knowlege and wisdom, and at the top of all the rungs he has climbed he can look down on the earth and understand it as few ever have or will, but as he looks up from the earth to the heavens he finds that even from his vantage point he was no closer to God, only farther from humanity.
Is it any wonder that the wisest man of his age is said to have been lead astray to paganism by his many wives? Why not? After all he was no closer than they to God and they at least enjoyed themselves while on this planet; they didn't waste their time on great endeavors that would inevitably be undone by time and unwavering current.
I say all of this because, last semester I began to understand this, and still I am battling with the idea that too much knowledge and even too much wisdom is in fact a bad thing for us. We lose sight of what it means to be human. We become so aware of the risks of leaving our homes that we lock ourselves away. We become so fearful of germs we need special shoes to walk into the bathroom. We become so knowledgeable about the Bible that we feel that we are simply divining the secrets of its contents and not that its contents are showing the secrets of the Divine in a manner that is simple.
At some point we must gain a sense of comfort in the mystery. That is to say we must become okay with not having an answer to throw at every question. I came to Harding with the goal of leaving with an answer for every possible question I could be handed, but then the moment came when I realized I didn't have an answer for every question on my first Bible test. Since then I have realized that the teacher's I respect the most aren't those that have an answer for everything, but those that answer what they know and admit with humilty what they do not know.
The moment I fell in love with God was when I realized that He cared for me even though He was bigger than everything I could hope to understand. I still can't shake the image of my own father holding me tight as a small boy, that was my image of God's love. He was bigger, stronger, smarter and despite all of that would hold my frail form in his loving arms and whisper, "It's okay Matty-boy, I'm here for you. Don't you worry, son. I've got you."
If I had an answer to every question about God, then I would have a God that I could understand, which would prove to be a God different than the one I fell in love with. I can't even understand my sister sometimes and I've known her all of her life, if God fell into a realm of ultimate comprehension for me, I'd know one thing for certain an infinite, incomprehensibly powerful God, does not exist. But God is beyond comprehesion and I feel safe in not having an answer for it all, even tough questions like, "If God is both good and powerful, why do bad things happen to people?" To that I must say that, "I don't know." I may wish I knew but I am comfortable in the mystery.
Dear Lord,
Keep me humble in my seeking of knowledge, let me continue to pursue you with all of my being, but let me never be overtaken with a sense of pride or accomplishment for what I've learned. As you lay such an annointment upon my head do not let it quench my desire to learn about you, instead let it make satisfied the hunger to know all about you.
amen.
-matt
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